This Is...Truth

Yea i know i'm not the coolest guy. I know i've got my problems. I know i'm semi- suicidal. But all i want is love. It seems like i'm not loved by anyone, but also i hardly believe that i was ever loved to begin with. My ex- girlfriend told me she loved me on the day she broke up with me. Now forgive me if i'm wrong, but i have always been under the impression that love means doing things for your partner, trusting them, understanding them, being ATTACHED to them, not keeping anything from them, always wanting their opinion, constantly thinking about them, not being able to wait for them to call you or text you, leaving those cute early morning greetings, like "good morning sweetheart, i love you", showing unconditional desire for that one person. She broke up with me because i was "clingy". She broke up with me over the phone. She was "distraught" with "grief", "crying" and whatnot, "drowning" in her "tears". I check her myspace the next day and it says she is happy and never felt better. I asked her what the fuck that was about. She said that she meant the words "i love you." I swear to god, i was so pissed. She never loved me, she only dated me so i could make her happy again. So later in life i found out i was her 9th boyfriend in less than a year. now, all i can do is laugh at the bitch. If she was that much of a whore before, why didn't i find out about it? but whatever, i guess you learn something new everyday right? I know i sound obsessive about this shit, but what people don't understand is how fucking much i loved that girl. I loved her more than i've loved anyone before. I would constantly pour my heart out to her. I would always be sure to end every conversation with "i love you". I swear to god, i am definately one of the nicest guys you will ever meet. But i'm fucking tired of giving my heart out to people, to only have it ripped out of my chest yet again. Love is the very essence of life. Love is also the only thing that can make me truly happy again. Loving that girl was what brought me outta my suicidal phase, if only for a month. It was the best one month of my life. Hands down. Now that i am constantly alone, i see myself fading away......just fading away into nothing. What i was meant to do from the start..............